September 30, 2011

What I Left Behind

So this was one of our writing exercises (#17).

I smiled
I cried
I left
I lied
The world turned upside down

She smiled
She prayed
She promised
She paid
The world turned inside out

A heart stopping moment
A wonderful breath
I couldn't believe
Just what I left

Such beauty
Perfection
A smile
A laugh
A broken heart promise at night

She smiled
I cried
She promised
I lied
She's what I left behind

Question: What did you feel reading this? Did the emotions come across well? Is there any way to make the emotions come across more clearly?

3 comments:

  1. Kerry, just like when you read this out loud, it almost brought tears to my eyes. It's such an amazing poem. I love the hidden honesty in it, with the speaker admitting he's lying and he's leaving.
    I also love how the stanzas are written. It has a nice beat, one that could easily be picked out by anyone. It's lovely, keep it up :)

    ReplyDelete
  2. This is a excellent peom. I felt I could relate to the situation here. Well done(:

    ReplyDelete
  3. I honestly could feel the emotions you are feeling. This was a good poem. I think the emotions came out good and how it was secret on what you left behind.
    good job.

    ReplyDelete