Her sadness haunted him like moonlight on a discarded cheeseburger wrapper. He knew he was the cause of her sadness, pain, and sorrow. If he hadn't left her, she would be as happy as a happy meal. They could've blended together as well as a frappe. They could've been like fries and ketchup. Without ketchup, she was just a dry fry. What had he done? Separating them was like trying to separate the melted cheese from a cheeseburger! She was the m&m's to his mcflurr; the ice cream to his cone, and the whipped cream on his hot chocolate. She was like melted ice cream now, without a refrigerator. It was a crime to keep the two apart, like a having a pie without apples in it. He strode up to her.
"Shirley, don't cry. I need you like coffee needs sugar."
Shirley thought that was the most romantic sentence in the world. Together, they walked off to McDonald's happy as can be. The chocolate and cookie came together again, and forever they would remain.
Did this confuse anyone? Should I have added more dialogue? I wanted it to have many comparisons, metaphors, and all that jazz.
I smiled through all of this. So cute, so romantic; beautiful use of metaphores. I absolutely loved it. Some minor, flow errors here and there, such as they could've been like fries and ketchup. Without ketchup. If you added But without ketchup, I would have understood it a bit more. But the slight mistakes were hardly noticable. All in all this is probably the cutest thing I've read from you.
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