This is the beginning of my last short story, Same Secret. Are Dave and Rachel's thoughts too simliar? If so, how can I make them more different? Please comment.
“What do I do?” Dave thought as he jogged along his usual route through the park. Dave always ran when he needed to think. “This one is different,” he thought. “It’s not every day a person has to make a decision this important. I just can’t choose. I don’t know if I really want to.” Dave was thinking about moving to Chicago. He had gotten a really great job opportunity. He was sure that his girlfriend wouldn't move with him. She loved it there too much. She had a great job and lots of friends in the area. “It really is a great opportunity though,” Dave thought. He couldn't have asked for a better job. He would get to be the manager of the Chicago branch of his company. He would hate himself forever if he didn't give this a shot.
He didn't want to leave his girlfriend though. Maybe they could work out in a long distance relationship, but he wasn't sure how great that would be. "I should probably ask her about it," Dave thought. "I mean, it's only right to include her in this decision.” She might be thinking about their relationship too. If Dave didn't include her now, this could have horrible consequences. She was definitely the jealous type, and he didn't want her to think that something was going on with another girl. They had been dating for a long time, they were pretty seriously involved, and he didn't want her to think that it wasn't as important to him as it was to her. "Ugh, what am I going to do?" Dave realized he had been talking out loud. Unfortunately, he hadn't realized it until that moment, when everyone in the park turned to stare at him.
“What do I do?” Rachel thought as she jogged along her usual route through the park. Rachel always ran when she needed to think. “This one is different,” she thought. “It’s not every day a person has to make a decision this important. I just can’t pick.” She just couldn’t figure out what to do. Rachel was thinking about moving to Chicago. She had gotten a really great job opportunity. She knew that her boyfriend wouldn’t move with her. He had so many connections to the area. Dave grew up there. His family lived nearby and they were really close. He also had a bunch of friends in the area. He wouldn’t want to leave his favorite childhood spots and his little brother. She couldn’t ask him to move, she didn’t want to ask him to uproot his life like that.
“It really is a fantastic opportunity,” Rachel thought. She couldn’t have asked for a better job. She would get to be the head of the design department at her company. She knew she would regret it forever if she didn’t give it a shot. On the other hand, she really didn’t want to leave her boyfriend. They might be able to work it out in a long distance relationship, but she wasn’t so sure. From the stories Rachel had heard, long distance relationships always ended badly.
“He wouldn’t even be that bad off without me,” she thought. “He has a ton of friends, he doesn’t need me.” Actually, that was one of the major things she was worried about. What if he didn’t care that she was leaving? What if he got a new girlfriend the next day? Rachel didn’t want to keep thinking about this. It was making her sick. He probably would get another girlfriend right away. She knew that all he could hook up with any of his girl friends if he wanted to. She also knew that he wouldn’t do it while he was in a relationship. He wasn’t a horrible person, but her moving away would give him the perfect out. A clean break.
She was probably just being paranoid. “I should probably ask him about it,” Rachel thought. “I mean, it’s only right to include him in the decision. If he really does want to break up with me, then I have no reason to stay here.”