Me and Dr. Mecraw

FICTION


As I observed my left forearm I cried. Not in sadness, but in disgust. I told myself I would never do this again. But with my low self control levels I understood why it happened. Its like I go in a angry black out whenever I do this, like I dont even know what im doing. People always called me a freak but its my way to cope. Everyone has their coping mechanisms, I guess mine was just a little different than most peoples. Sometimes a feel evil, like im not even a human being anymore, maybe a body shaped demon. Having nothing to believe in also takes a toll, having no source of religion. But that was my parents choice and I was brought up to follow their beliefs, or to follow their beliefs of no beliefs. If you havent caught on yet im a scitzophrenic, anti-social, depressed piece of shit. I have a person in my head, maybe not a person but a thing. I like to call him a person because he's the only person I really ever talk to. His name is Dr. Mecraw. He makes me do the things I do, whether I want to or not. See, I use to have a group of friends, until...well, Dr. Mecraw told me to get rid of them, if you're catching me. Where'd Mom go? Again, Dr. Mecraw. Dad was never here. It took my a while to figure out why but I understand. Why would he want to parent a teenaged mess like me. People in school, when I went, called me cursed, and a Satan worshiper. But the ignorant fucks didnt understand that Atheism means you dont believe in anything. You're probably thinking about what made me so fucked up. To be honest I dont know either, could it have been that girl back in highschool? Maybe my mother being so careless? Or even you guys that always picked on the kid that had problems that you couldnt comprehend. Highschool kids always did that, they dont understand things so they decide to turn on it and make the kids life harder than it already is. People have always been too judgemental, its sick. But back to my diagnosis, I dont even know if I was born with these "problems." Shit, I never thought I had problems, and still to this day I dont. Shooting up a group of kids and my mother is normal, thats what Dr. Mecraw told me. Ha, Dr. Mecraw, sitting in my over active head telling me to kill all of you as we speak, but dont worry, im not crazy, never was and never will be, because im sitting here with a barrel down my throat telling you my stories. But you wont understand, I do, and so does Dr. Mecraw, but you dont. Mecraw led me to this gun, so is this him speaking? I dont know. Thats why I have this cold barrel touching the back of my throat, because I dont know who I am, or who I will be. Two seconds from suicide and I still dont. One...Two.


Remember this is FICTION. I wrote this because I want to write a book about a scitzophrenic teenaged boy with some similar problems that I have. So remember, Im not a scitzo, Im not going to kill myself or anybody.