This is from a writing excersize we did in class on October 20. What can I do to make it more emotional or suspenceful?
Blood coated her pearl white teeth as she ripped apart the animal carcus. She was strown out on the dirt ground, her once brightly colored summer dress was now covered in dirt and torn to shreds. The plane had crashed about one month ago on this hellish deserted island, leaving her as the only survivor. Food was increasingly hard to come by and she had not eaten in a week. She was unsure of what she was eating now, perhaps a type of muskrat. All it was to her now was breakfast, lunch and dinner. She was sick, that much she did know. Lack of food, fresh water, shelter and loss of the will to live. The loniless was getting to her, it was too hard to bear. The small passenger plane that she had been on had not yet been discovered, either that or it was assumed that they were all dead. Either way, the remains of the plane were everywhere, paused in time. Serving as a constant reminder of the tragedy. It was all she could do to not look at the body of her dead husband, the pilot, the three other victims. She was living a nightmare, what a tragic honeymoon.
I think that's great as it is but maybe you could add the scene where the plane crashed. You could explore the possibilities of how the people died. Did she eat them? For the emotional part of this you could add more detail on her exact feelings about her husband being dead.
ReplyDeleteThis is crazy good. The way it starts has me feeling like it's some end of the world scenario and the, it's like whaaaaaaat? BAM! Crashed plane scenario on an animal-infested island. The story left me hanging on and wanting more. When you mentioned the plane crash I was thinking she'd gone cannibal, because that's in this season. A little disappointed she was catching animals instead of eating people :/ But still good. Then I like the description of the crashed plane, constantly reminding her she crashed and is stuck here. Then you find out she was on her honeymoon and it turns wicked tragic, mad quick. Good story overall, my advice would be to give more to the reader. Keep that ish going.
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