October 14, 2011
Small Town Gossip
The fire was spreading across the town. It was like gossip throughout a small town. It spreads alot faster than you think. Whoever set fire to the convienant store caused many to lose their homes. The ones without homes were standing out in the streets while the snow came down on them. The woods seemed to be a sancturary for the teens an college students. Most were back for Christmas vacation. They were throwing a huge bonfire. It was about halfway into the woods, in a small open field while the fire was just below the tree tops. The kids usually threw parties there, the older folks didn't know it was there, atleast they think they don't know. Once the fire started girls started playing in the snow, we girls always knew how to have a good time. We danced in the snow until the night ended.
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I really like this! I don't know you but I was reading thru everything and I noticed yours, I really enjoyed everything thatbwas in your story! The only concern I have with this is that It just suddenly ends don't get me wrong I enjoy the story but you could make this story so much better and it would be much more enjoyable! I really like the middle how everything is so intense with the fire. Yet again love the story and looking forward to read more of your things!!
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I'd like to say good job! The concept of the piece was interesting and different. I liked how you compared fire and gossip together. That's a metaphor I think? Simile? But I digress, overall you have a great basis for what you were going for. Some things I would consider working on would be to do a quick read through and proofread a couple spelling/grammar mistakes. Try to also find a focal point and devote the story to that idea. Some sentences could have used some different word choices and a little diversity to spice things up some more. Try to also give more explain about the fire and how it happened. How is this affecting the characters in the long run? Making a cohesive piece is key. Why the bonfire? Why aren't the parents a part of it? What will happen next? Try to go further and explore the story's possibilities. Overall, nice job and interesting vibe. I can dig it :)
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