This is the first part of my second short story. What do you think? Is there any way I could make this any creepier?
Ivalia stared at the fresh blood staining her hands as she knelt near a cracked willow tree. With wide eyes she stared at the blood then glanced at the mangled corpse lying just to the left of her. The face on the body had been ruined beyond recognition. The snap of a fallen branch behind her alerted her that someone was behind her.
“Admiring my work are you?”
Ivalia froze where she was. The wind howling was the only noise being made as she slowly turned to face the person behind her. As she looked she took in all the details of her from her blood stained face to the tattered shoes she wore. With a shaky voice she spoke to the woman.
“Y-you did this?”
“Of course I did. Who else could have done that? A cricket?”
The woman stated this with a crazed look in her eyes. Ivalia fought every instinct in her body that told her to run. If she ran now then that crazy woman would surely kill her. Hell, she’s probably going to kill her regardless of what she did.
“I think my work is missing something though. Maybe if I added you to it…yes that’ll work nicely….”
As the woman said this, a grin extended across her face revealing sharp teeth and she lifted an already bloody knife, lunging at Ivalia. Ivalia started to scream as the knife started to sink into her flesh.
Screaming, she abruptly sat up on her bed. She stopped when she realized that she was in the safety of her new house. Ivalia let out a sigh of relief then laughed softly. It was just a dream. No one was going to kill her. She slowly climbed out of bed and dragged herself to the kitchen.
As I told you while I read it, I LOVED this short story of yours.
ReplyDeleteThe details you have for it, just, everything.
It has that dark, secretive edge to it and leaves you wanting more.
where you ended it here though, might have been slightly confusing.
I did re read it again from here and I was thinking 'This isn't how it seemed from the short story' cause it almost seems like she just went like 'oh.. A dream.. Whatever' kind of thing where you ended it here so abruptly. xD
this is very well done. I think if you want to really make it "creepier" all you really need to do is get more descriptive about the scene. I dont mean character movement and such cuz you got that down but more of the whole tone of the surroundings. If you are keeping it in an early time period then adding cobwebs or moonlight really changes how something feels. This is very good! keep it up!
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