One night, I was on top of the parking garage with my best friend Nicole, having a life talk and taking in the view of the city. All seemed to be well, and Nashua seemed pretty relaxed, especially for a Friday night. That was until a monstrous 3-toed slough made his awy to the Amber Room. Nicole had pointed the creature out when she had noticed it limping down the city sidewalk. The two of us watched in awe as we saw the confrontation. It appeared as though the bouncer would not let the slough in the club. The intensity level rose, so we decided to get a closer look. We quickly made our way down the multiple floors of the parking garage and raced to the club entrance. Luckily, I had a switchblade knife in my pocket and for some strange reason, Nicole was carrying a puppet. Figuring I could make fun of her for this later, I proceeded to flip open the blade to intimidate the slough. The 3-toed creature didn't even seem to notice us until Nicole started using the puppet. She mocked the beast and as she did this, he turned to her with a ferocious look on his face...
This was a writing exercise we did one day in class. Unfortunately, I didn't have enough time to get to the confrontation because I spent so much time with the introduction. Because I spent a long time on this, I would like to know if it is good enough. Can you picture the setting clearly as you read? Are the details descriptive enough?
I think that you should include more details about the setting. I can vaguely picture what it looks like. I think that you should include more details about Nashua and what it looks like not just that Nashua seemed pretty relaxed. You should include more details on how you get the sloth’s attention and more on the sloth’s reaction. He kind of seems like he doesn’t care about anything that’s going on around him. You should include more details on how Nicole mocked the sloth. I like what you have written so far and I wish that I could read about the confrontation and see how you end up killing the sloth. All in all I like your piece of writing I just think that you should include more details about what’s going on and I hope that you continue to write this.
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