October 31, 2010

Chapters 3 and 4

This is the chapters 3 and 4 of something i'm writing, any feed back?

“Everything is according to plan.” The King told the High-War council. On the High-War council there were the leaders of each type of force in Ardrounge, The High Paladin, Royal Guard, Knights, and Rangers.
“When the boy, Jaraiz, is successful he will be arrested then left to die in the dungons of West Ardrounge.”
“Sir, my knights will arrest him the moment he re-enters the city.”
“No!” The King barked, “He is a smart one… if we try anything like that he will most surely escape…”
“So what do you suggest sir? Throw a bag over his head when he’s not looking or something?” The High Ranger said, and everyone laughed. “Or shall my team fill him to the brim with bolts and arrows.” He smirked as he said this.
“Hmm, we may have something here… but I’m afraid that might not work either even…”
“Why not sir? My team and I are excellent shots; we surely wouldn’t miss this… peasant.”
“Yeah, why can’t the rangers just take him down? They’re the best shots in the land.” The Paladin spoke up.
“Because,” The King started “If by some amazing stroke of luck by Jaraiz, if the rangers shoot him, they just might miss him, it’s been known to happen. And also, if anyone sees” The King couldn’t stop the sarcastic, ‘you moron’ from coming out in how he said this “it would be the end of my rule!”
After hours of pondering, The King and his Council were in unity over the plan they’d thought up.
“Very well. We shall allow him in, to enter the castle, then up to my chamber. Then you” The King turns to the Paladin “you will arrest him, and take him outside where you,” He turns to the Knight “you will accompany the paladins with the prisoner to the jail house in West Ardrounge,” The King turns to the Archer “covered by your archers along the way, and suppressed once he reaches the cell, by your archers in towers, and your knights at close quarters. If anyone asks, he has become an enemy to the state, and is under arrest for crimes of treason.”
“Yes sir!” The Council responded in unison.
“Dismissed, and get to it.”
“Will do sir”
The King decided that now would be a good time to go back to his chamber, have a bottle of wine, and pass out on his bed for the night. As the King walked into the chamber, his door which he had left open, closed by its self. In both shock and utter surpisment, The King turned around to face the darkly dressed man, standing next to the door, a Knife in his hand, a dagger, who started to walk towards the King.
As the stranger approached, the King realized he wasn’t a threat after all. In fact, he was quite the contrary.
“Ah my good friend, how good it is to see you again! You gave me quite the start there, though I suppose you aren’t known for your subtleness.” The King said chuckling.
“Ah, couldn’t be more right as usual” The stranger sheathed his dagger. “I must apologize for the heart attack I have given you.”
“Quite, anyways how did you… never mind, the reason I called you is tha…”
“You want someone killed, and you thought of me to do it, oh how sweet you are! Who shall my target be this time?” the assassin said
“Well if you would let me finish…” the King tried to keep the anger out of his voice “The reason I called you here is that I need you to spy on a boy for me, report back how, and what he is doing.”
“Ah friend, I might want to go call the doctor for a house call, you are not well”
“Would you st…” The King tried to speak
“I mean to want to start following boys around, little boys I take it? Or is this a grown version of a boy, a man?”
“That is quite enoug…” The King was trying to interrupt him but he kept talking anyways.
“So you want me to be your eyes while you use your power for sex with a little child, I must admit myself shocked to hear you want to do something this low, I mean honestly.”
The King as fed up, he grabbed his sword and charged at the assassin, he swung but the assassin whirled around and stopped the swords blade before it his him with his dagger, then pulled a second dagger and put it to the King’s thought.
“Now now now, you know better than to try me like this, you’ve become rusty at that my old friend.”
“Would you shut up!” The King hollered.
“Cool down man it was just a joke, so, who am I following, and where can I find him?”
“Jaraiz Leaden. He’s a guy whom undertook my mission for me, the conquest. I need to know how he is doing, and what he is doing. Does this fit with your approval?” The King was being sarcastic.
“Hmm, well I might have to give this one some thought it really seems difficult, I mean following this boy, leading thousands of troops, all without being seen, I don’t know if I can pull this one off…” this time it was the assassin’s turn to be sarcastic.
“You dare use that attitude with me? The King?”
“Dear Guthix cool down Jim, it’s just a joke, remember? A Ha-Ha?”
“Never call me Jim again!” The King was outraged and screaming.
“Ah, you’ve changed my old friend, no wonder you were coming here to drown yourself in wine and pass out.”
“How in Zamorak’s name did you kno… you know what, never mind, I should know that blasted answer.”
“Ok so where will I find this guy?”
The King turned to the map and pointed at 2 points, “he should be in one of these two spots… I’m not sure which however, but I’m sure if you lo…” The King turned around and realized he was talking to air. “Damn, he’s good I need to admit… Oh well, it’s why I pay him so much, but that sarcasm. I might want to think of a pay cut for him… meh, oh well.” The King thought to himself. The King went through with his plan for the night, he was going to be glad he did too, the next few years would be a pain in the ass for him.

1 comment:

  1. There is a lot of dialog but not a lot of description about what is going on around the characters as they speak. There really isn't any detail about how they're speaking either. In my personal opinion, it runs a little dry but with more detail it would be much better.