October 29, 2010

Excerpt From my Short Story

Want to hear something even more funny? I knew her brother in college. He hated me. He was good friends with my roommate so I saw him all the time, but I could always tell that I was bothering him. The first time I was formally introduced to the family was at a Christmas party a few weeks after the bar incident. We walked in to her parents’ house, and there he was, Liam Jackson. He smirked at me and walked over to talk to us. He put his arm around Jill and said “Who’s this baby sister, your personal assistant?” She laughed and gave him a hug. “Ted,” she said, “this is my brother Liam.” “We’ve met!” Liam practically shouted. “Teddy here lived across the hall from me back in college.” This is where Jill got excited. “You guys know each other!?” she exclaimed. Clearly, she thought that we were friends. “Yeah we do” chuckled Liam. “I was there the night Teddy crashed his car into the main building on campus.” I heard a small gasp and turned around to find both of Jill’s parents standing behind us. “Jill sweetie, why don’t you come into the living room and say hello to Aunt Norma with us” her mom said. The three of them walked into the next room and Liam disappeared out the front door, leaving me alone in the hallway to listen.

1 comment:

  1. First of all, I really like all the detail there is. There are a lot of creative details about what the sister looks like and there are good details about the older sister’s feelings towards Olivia. I especially liked the first line. “This hot, red fire flows inside me, screams at the top of its lungs” makes the reader want to continue reading. The first thought that came to my head when reading was that I’m glad she isn’t my sister. The only thing I could think of to add would be some description of the older sister but if this is only an excerpt, it might be in the rest of the story. I really liked your story and thought it was really creative.